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Post by Misery on Apr 10, 2009 15:47:36 GMT -5
It is hard, losing a loved one. It hurts, to feel a piece of your heart break. But it is even harder to lose a loved one at your own hand. It is torture to feel your heart crumble as you stare at what you've done. To see the blood on your paws, to taste it on your tongue. And know you didn't mean it. You can never forgive yourself. You should have had more control of yourself. It hurts, so bad, to feel that kind of sorrow, loss, and fear. Fear of yourself, fear of losing control, and fear of love.
His large paws tramped over the grass, his head low, his tail drooping behind him. His eyes were still bright with light, but set at a permanently guilty angle. It was true. Losing a loved one to yourself is a torture that no one should have to endure. And yet he'd managed. But he was forever afraid, permanently guilty, and unforgiving of himself. He hated himself, and he hated his father. A thought came to him, and suddenly he stopped, his eyes squeezed shut and his limbs shaking. The two were the same. Like father, like son. It made him sick, but in his mind it was true. They were both murderers.
Lasar pushed himself on. He sighed and curled up under a tree. This was his only security. If he had the scratchy bark of a tree on his back and the dirt underneath him, he was safe. The trees had spirits, and they pitied him, and they kept him safe. He wouldn't sleep unless he was curled up next to a tree trunk. Not even bad dreams could reach him here. But he didn't sleep today. Today there were too many memories to plague him, and he knew they would never let him sleep. So he rested his head on the root of the tree and stared off into the distance. Today his heart was breaking again, today he would fall apart under the oak tree, and his ashes would blow away on the wind.
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Post by canterhorse on Apr 10, 2009 23:28:33 GMT -5
Flame dragged herself into the land feeling lonesome and sad for no reason, A single lone tear shed from her dark eye. No known wolf could know why she was sad. Not even she knew to tell the truth. Hunger struck her. “Great.” She spoke. “I’m going hunting…” she told herself and then went off.
Flame stalked her prey a young doe, not even of proper age. She flexed and sprang on the young deer. She bit into its neck and soon it was down though it did not go quietly. She draped it over her shoulders and ran back to the spot where she was looking at sleeping, though at that time had not seen the male sleeping beside the tree.
She backed away to a rock and sat laying her prey on the ground. She ate at one of the legs and saved some of it for the other wolf in case he woke and was hungry.
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Post by Misery on Apr 11, 2009 18:12:50 GMT -5
His light gray ears flicked at the muffled cries and the rustle of a kill going down. His eyes opened into slits, revealing dark amber orbs, and his tilted his head slightly to get a better view of the female hunting. He closed his eyes again and let his ears tell him what was going on. He hoped she didn't notice him, hoped she wouldn't talk to him. But he knew that was near impossible. He hoped he wouldn't get attached. This was the reason he was a loner. Because then he didn't have to talk to anybody else.
He heard her drag the doe, closer and closer to him. He let out a minute sigh. The doe smelled good. Fresh meat, red blood. It was all very pleasant in his nostrils. He opened his eyes slowly, as if just the sound of his eyes opening too quickly would alert her. He watched her eat for a moment, not an emotion shown on his face. He pricked his ears her direction. She was certainly pretty, but Lasar automatically blocked this out. He didn't want to have any attachment. He was liable to lose control if he did. And he didn't want to crumble again.
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Post by canterhorse on Apr 13, 2009 20:17:34 GMT -5
Flame saw the flicker of the male’s eyes. She licked her white muzzle clean and walked to a shady area and laid down and closed her eyes. Taking on a light sleep she rested her tired body. She hoped the male was friendly and wouldn’t be upset at her. She dreamed of her pups, the ones she lost. She dreamed that they were alive and thriving, growing into strong gray wolves. Then in a flash it was all gone. She woke and started to quietly cry tears streaming down her white muzzle toward the ground. She laid her head back down and slowly and quietly cried till her tears ran dry.
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Post by Misery on Apr 14, 2009 20:29:25 GMT -5
Lasar watched her move away, and waited until her breathing evened out. Only when she was asleep did he move. He slipped toward the unfinished doe, and started tearing at the meat. He did so quietly, as if she would attack him if she woke and found him there. But she had seen him, and she had given up her meal. Still, it was only instinct.
He walked away when he saw her eyes open, and he lay back down in his spot. But when he looked up again, something was wrong. His heart tore two directions; one to comfort her, and the other to not say anything. He watched silently, unsure of what to do, until her eyes were dry. Then he spoke, and quietly. His voice was hoarse, as if he hadn't spoken in a long time. Which he hadn't. "Are you alright?" His brow furrowed and his ears twisted back slightly, to show his concern. He didn't want to care, but he had too soft of a heart for that.
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Post by canterhorse on Apr 15, 2009 17:44:14 GMT -5
“Hmm?” She looked up at him. “Oh, yah I’m fine, just a bad dream.” She spoke true enough. She closed her brown eyes and sighed taking in the feeling of the new place and the sent of the new male. She was not very into big conversations. Flame felt like if they were going to connect words did not need to be spoken except at a minimum. “Are you okay?” She asked him kind of interested but then too distracted by the loss to be insanely interested.
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Post by Misery on Apr 16, 2009 19:26:58 GMT -5
He nodded, understanding her dream problem. "Fine," he said when she asked if he was ok. He sighed, for it was a bit of a lie, but it didn't matter. She didn't need to know, and she probably didn't want to know. He didn't want to know what her dream was about, or why she was crying. He wasn't going to be nosey.
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Post by canterhorse on Apr 16, 2009 20:13:54 GMT -5
She was perfectly fine with there small sliver of a conversation. she never had been good at the conversations herself. "Do you mind be being here? If it is a problem i will leave..." She spoke truthfully.
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Post by Misery on Apr 17, 2009 19:12:46 GMT -5
He glanced up when she spoke, and shook his head. "No, I don't mind. It's just been a while..." He didn't finish the sentence. He didn't feel the need to.
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Post by canterhorse on Apr 21, 2009 20:21:04 GMT -5
"Oh..." She spoke and started randomly playing with a blade of grass under her paw. She then set her head down and just closed her eyes and rolled over onto her back taking in the glow of the sun. she felt secure around him. Not like he was going to hurt her but like they kind of connected on some sort of physiological level.
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